Fuck You

22 August 2012

I'm getting really fucking sick of everyone not caring about me anymore. I don't get it. I put all of this effort in to keep our friendships running, to keep us friends, and I don't receive anything in return.

It's the same old story every week. I try to make plans with people, they keep saying "I miss you. OMG we need to hang out asap!", and the plans never happen. I get cancelled on, sometimes a few days in advance, but sometimes it's the day of, hours before, and sometimes even hours after they're supposed to be somewhere is when the plans get cancelled. And yet, I keep trying to make plans with these people who claim they love me, who claim that they truly care about me, and they don't put any effort into it. If you really cared about me and my feelings, you would find some time for me. Squeeze me into your horribly busy schedule.

I mean, I'm the kind of person who tries to keep up with everything in the lives of the people I love. I ask questions about their health, their relationships, their families, and anything else that happens to be going on in that persons life. I care, that's my biggest flaw. Because in this day and age, it's really hard to find people who genuinely care about more than themselves. I care about practically everyone I come in contact to, who actually makes an impact on my life. Once I've cared about you, I'll always care about you, no matter if you absolutely hate my guts or try to ruin my life.

The thing I want most is to have someone like myself, who comes around to me, cares about what's going on in my life. Makes plans to hang out with me. Checks up on me to make sure I'm not a complete utter mess. But I don't have that. I have friends who once and a while catch one of my depressing tweets, and they ask if I'm okay. But the BFF venting sesh soon turns around, from me spilling out my problems, into having to listen to other peoples problems. Don't get me wrong, I actually like listening to peoples problems, trying to help, and even if I can't give good advice about the problem they have, I like just listening. I'm a good listener, because I actually care.

That's my biggest weakness. My biggest flaw. I care, way too much.

And yet, I'm not doing anything to stop myself from caring as much as I do. It hurts, but sometimes it's worth it. It's worth seeing someone else happy because I cared about them, even if they don't care about me. They don't answer my texts, put effort into conversations, make plans, keep plans, or anything else. And yet, I keep texting those people, putting complete effort into every conversation I have, making plans with these people, and trying my best to keep these plans. The only time I ever cancel plans is when I'm truly so sick that I'm unable to function correctly, or something extremely important comes up, which rarely happens, which means I rarely cancel plans on my own accord. I'm pretty reliable with that.