07 August 2012
Well, we broke up, if you could even call it a break up. It was so messy, and I was so upset, and you were such a total douchebag that I couldn't even tell.
How dare you say those things to me? You can't ask a girl to be your girlfriend, take her out on dates, kiss her, call her your girlfriend, and treat her like your girlfriend for almost three months, then ignore her for a while, and then tell her that you never dated to begin with. You really can't tell me that everything we had, everything that happened between us was nothing to you, meant absolutely nothing to you.
I get it. You took what you wanted and left. Typical male, I guess.
Just don't come back wanting more. Please.
Friday, September 7, 2012
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Move Along
Come on kid.
Honestly, are you happy with where we are with everything right now? You're in a relationship, remember? Oh wait, maybe you don't remember, since you seem to be ignoring your girlfriend a lot lately.
I got friend zoned when I was already in the damn relationship. COME ON.
Let's just end this while we can still do this civily. We can stay friends, and I would honestly love that, since we've been friends for the past 3+ years already. I would hate to loose that friendship over a stupid relationship that just didn't happen to work out.
I just want to move on. I'm ready to make out with some new guys, maybe find a new boyfriend. But I'm unable to do that if you're still my boyfriend. If you're not gonna talk to me, I can't break up wtih you. I just need a 10 minute phone or skype conversation with you to break up, and then we can get on with our seperate lives. You can enjoy your senior year of high school, I can enjoy my freshman year of college. And we both won't be in a relationship that isn't going anywhere, which is the part that's killing me.
Honestly, are you happy with where we are with everything right now? You're in a relationship, remember? Oh wait, maybe you don't remember, since you seem to be ignoring your girlfriend a lot lately.
I got friend zoned when I was already in the damn relationship. COME ON.
Let's just end this while we can still do this civily. We can stay friends, and I would honestly love that, since we've been friends for the past 3+ years already. I would hate to loose that friendship over a stupid relationship that just didn't happen to work out.
I just want to move on. I'm ready to make out with some new guys, maybe find a new boyfriend. But I'm unable to do that if you're still my boyfriend. If you're not gonna talk to me, I can't break up wtih you. I just need a 10 minute phone or skype conversation with you to break up, and then we can get on with our seperate lives. You can enjoy your senior year of high school, I can enjoy my freshman year of college. And we both won't be in a relationship that isn't going anywhere, which is the part that's killing me.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Fuck You
22 August 2012
I'm getting really fucking sick of everyone not caring about me anymore. I don't get it. I put all of this effort in to keep our friendships running, to keep us friends, and I don't receive anything in return.
It's the same old story every week. I try to make plans with people, they keep saying "I miss you. OMG we need to hang out asap!", and the plans never happen. I get cancelled on, sometimes a few days in advance, but sometimes it's the day of, hours before, and sometimes even hours after they're supposed to be somewhere is when the plans get cancelled. And yet, I keep trying to make plans with these people who claim they love me, who claim that they truly care about me, and they don't put any effort into it. If you really cared about me and my feelings, you would find some time for me. Squeeze me into your horribly busy schedule.
I mean, I'm the kind of person who tries to keep up with everything in the lives of the people I love. I ask questions about their health, their relationships, their families, and anything else that happens to be going on in that persons life. I care, that's my biggest flaw. Because in this day and age, it's really hard to find people who genuinely care about more than themselves. I care about practically everyone I come in contact to, who actually makes an impact on my life. Once I've cared about you, I'll always care about you, no matter if you absolutely hate my guts or try to ruin my life.
The thing I want most is to have someone like myself, who comes around to me, cares about what's going on in my life. Makes plans to hang out with me. Checks up on me to make sure I'm not a complete utter mess. But I don't have that. I have friends who once and a while catch one of my depressing tweets, and they ask if I'm okay. But the BFF venting sesh soon turns around, from me spilling out my problems, into having to listen to other peoples problems. Don't get me wrong, I actually like listening to peoples problems, trying to help, and even if I can't give good advice about the problem they have, I like just listening. I'm a good listener, because I actually care.
That's my biggest weakness. My biggest flaw. I care, way too much.
And yet, I'm not doing anything to stop myself from caring as much as I do. It hurts, but sometimes it's worth it. It's worth seeing someone else happy because I cared about them, even if they don't care about me. They don't answer my texts, put effort into conversations, make plans, keep plans, or anything else. And yet, I keep texting those people, putting complete effort into every conversation I have, making plans with these people, and trying my best to keep these plans. The only time I ever cancel plans is when I'm truly so sick that I'm unable to function correctly, or something extremely important comes up, which rarely happens, which means I rarely cancel plans on my own accord. I'm pretty reliable with that.
I'm getting really fucking sick of everyone not caring about me anymore. I don't get it. I put all of this effort in to keep our friendships running, to keep us friends, and I don't receive anything in return.
It's the same old story every week. I try to make plans with people, they keep saying "I miss you. OMG we need to hang out asap!", and the plans never happen. I get cancelled on, sometimes a few days in advance, but sometimes it's the day of, hours before, and sometimes even hours after they're supposed to be somewhere is when the plans get cancelled. And yet, I keep trying to make plans with these people who claim they love me, who claim that they truly care about me, and they don't put any effort into it. If you really cared about me and my feelings, you would find some time for me. Squeeze me into your horribly busy schedule.
I mean, I'm the kind of person who tries to keep up with everything in the lives of the people I love. I ask questions about their health, their relationships, their families, and anything else that happens to be going on in that persons life. I care, that's my biggest flaw. Because in this day and age, it's really hard to find people who genuinely care about more than themselves. I care about practically everyone I come in contact to, who actually makes an impact on my life. Once I've cared about you, I'll always care about you, no matter if you absolutely hate my guts or try to ruin my life.
The thing I want most is to have someone like myself, who comes around to me, cares about what's going on in my life. Makes plans to hang out with me. Checks up on me to make sure I'm not a complete utter mess. But I don't have that. I have friends who once and a while catch one of my depressing tweets, and they ask if I'm okay. But the BFF venting sesh soon turns around, from me spilling out my problems, into having to listen to other peoples problems. Don't get me wrong, I actually like listening to peoples problems, trying to help, and even if I can't give good advice about the problem they have, I like just listening. I'm a good listener, because I actually care.
That's my biggest weakness. My biggest flaw. I care, way too much.
And yet, I'm not doing anything to stop myself from caring as much as I do. It hurts, but sometimes it's worth it. It's worth seeing someone else happy because I cared about them, even if they don't care about me. They don't answer my texts, put effort into conversations, make plans, keep plans, or anything else. And yet, I keep texting those people, putting complete effort into every conversation I have, making plans with these people, and trying my best to keep these plans. The only time I ever cancel plans is when I'm truly so sick that I'm unable to function correctly, or something extremely important comes up, which rarely happens, which means I rarely cancel plans on my own accord. I'm pretty reliable with that.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Failure
19 August 2012
At the end of my junior year of high school, I decided that I would do everything I could to make my senior year incredible. I wanted to take charge. Yet, I failed at almost everything I tried to do with my life. I never got what I believed I deserved, and I felt most of the time that people who were much less deserving of it always got what I wanted. Here's just a list of everything I tried so hard for the few years, and only the bold ones are the things I actually succeeded in.
At the end of my junior year of high school, I decided that I would do everything I could to make my senior year incredible. I wanted to take charge. Yet, I failed at almost everything I tried to do with my life. I never got what I believed I deserved, and I felt most of the time that people who were much less deserving of it always got what I wanted. Here's just a list of everything I tried so hard for the few years, and only the bold ones are the things I actually succeeded in.
- Masque and Mime Banquet Chair
- Masque and Mime Fundraising Chair
- Masque and Mime Hair Crew Chief
- Masque and Mime Senior Scholarship Winner
- Melissa Gleichenhaus Memorial Scholarship Winner
- In charge of the Melissa Gleichenhaus Mural project
- Getting into Chamber Choir 2010-2011
- Getting into Chamber Choir 2011-2012
- Accepted into every college I applied to
- Being able to afford living on Campus
- Future Business Leaders of America Treasurer
- Future Business Leaders of America 3rd place at Local Competition
- Future Business Leaders of America - went to State conference
- Future Business Leaders of America - won at State conference
- Passing my AP European History Exam
- Receiving any of the 25 other scholarships I applied for
Friday, August 17, 2012
Is there anything wrong with you right now?Absolutely.
Have you eaten chocolate today?
OMG YES.
Where did you meet the person you love/like?
Masque and Mime, 2009.
Are you in a relationship with anyone?
I think so.
Do you enjoy reading?
Yes.
Are you a social person?
I can be/
Have you ran into an old friend recently?
Well, Meagan. We found each other in February and now we've become sorta close because we're going to the same school.
What are your plans for tonight?
I unfortunately don't have any.
Do you have strange dreams?
Oh yeah, especially last night!
Be honest, who’s the easiest person in your life to talk to?
My dad
When was the last time you were in a very good mood?
I don't remember.
Are you the kind of person that’s afraid to cry in public?
I really try not to.
Do you understand what life has to give?
I don't.
Are you one that reads or writes just for the joy of it?
Yeah. Obviously that's what this blog is for.
Are you tired right now?
I'm always tired. Constantly tired, and I'm sick of it.
Have you ever walked on the beach at night?
I have. It was wonderful.
Are family get togethers fun or awkward for you?
A W K W A R D.
When was the last time you were at a hotel?
June for Leah's Sweet 16.
Are your toe nails painted?
They are, but I have to redo them.
Would you ever dye your hair blonde?
I just did.
Are you ready to get out of this town?
I absolutely am. It was taken away from me to leave, and now I'm stuck here for at least 4-5 months. If not that then a year.
Did you have a good day yesterday?
Eh, it was better than the last few days.
Will you talk to the person you like tonight?
I doubt it, since I haven't talked to him in 10 days.
Do you act differently around the person you like?
No. I act like myself around him, because he lets me and likes me for it.
What was the last thing you ate?
A few pieces of Ziti, because I want to eat it all but it's only 11am and I feel it's too early to eat food food. Ya know?
Is your hair long enough to pull over your face like a mustache?
LOL, yes.
How often do you visit your relatives?
Momma comes to see me like at least every other week, and I sorta hope she still keeps that up when I'm going to school. Most of the time my family comes to me, but I visit my Grandma every few months, but not as much as I should.
Have you ever woken up from a dream and thought it had actually happened?
I do that all of the time. I've actually asked people if something had happened but it was a dream.
Are you obsessed with a certain countries culture?
I love everything about every country in Europe. If I could take off a year and travel around Europe, I would. That's my dream.
What type of food do you find yourself craving most? (sweet, meat, etc.)
Sweet, probably. I crave everything.
Have you eaten chocolate today?
OMG YES.
Where did you meet the person you love/like?
Masque and Mime, 2009.
Are you in a relationship with anyone?
I think so.
Do you enjoy reading?
Yes.
Are you a social person?
I can be/
Have you ran into an old friend recently?
Well, Meagan. We found each other in February and now we've become sorta close because we're going to the same school.
What are your plans for tonight?
I unfortunately don't have any.
Do you have strange dreams?
Oh yeah, especially last night!
Be honest, who’s the easiest person in your life to talk to?
My dad
When was the last time you were in a very good mood?
I don't remember.
Are you the kind of person that’s afraid to cry in public?
I really try not to.
Do you understand what life has to give?
I don't.
Are you one that reads or writes just for the joy of it?
Yeah. Obviously that's what this blog is for.
Are you tired right now?
I'm always tired. Constantly tired, and I'm sick of it.
Have you ever walked on the beach at night?
I have. It was wonderful.
Are family get togethers fun or awkward for you?
A W K W A R D.
When was the last time you were at a hotel?
June for Leah's Sweet 16.
Are your toe nails painted?
They are, but I have to redo them.
Would you ever dye your hair blonde?
I just did.
Are you ready to get out of this town?
I absolutely am. It was taken away from me to leave, and now I'm stuck here for at least 4-5 months. If not that then a year.
Did you have a good day yesterday?
Eh, it was better than the last few days.
Will you talk to the person you like tonight?
I doubt it, since I haven't talked to him in 10 days.
Do you act differently around the person you like?
No. I act like myself around him, because he lets me and likes me for it.
What was the last thing you ate?
A few pieces of Ziti, because I want to eat it all but it's only 11am and I feel it's too early to eat food food. Ya know?
Is your hair long enough to pull over your face like a mustache?
LOL, yes.
How often do you visit your relatives?
Momma comes to see me like at least every other week, and I sorta hope she still keeps that up when I'm going to school. Most of the time my family comes to me, but I visit my Grandma every few months, but not as much as I should.
Have you ever woken up from a dream and thought it had actually happened?
I do that all of the time. I've actually asked people if something had happened but it was a dream.
Are you obsessed with a certain countries culture?
I love everything about every country in Europe. If I could take off a year and travel around Europe, I would. That's my dream.
What type of food do you find yourself craving most? (sweet, meat, etc.)
Sweet, probably. I crave everything.
Brother Sister Love
17 August 2012
I have a little brother, who actually isn't so little. For years, people are always shocked to find that my brother is a year and a half younger than me. He looks so much older than he is, and acts a lot more mature compared to people his age when he's out in public, but when he's home he's my little brother, and he can be a bit immature. But that's to be expected. I entered high school four years ago, and people knew me, but they knew me as "Brad Marvin's Sister", not Dana. Two years before the kid even came to high school, he was known.
My brother and I have a really great relationship, even though it may not seem like it all of the time to other people looking in on the relationship. We've been through so much together, and I'm sure we'll have to go through so much more. Obviously we fight like every other group of siblings has in the history of the world, and I think sometimes that's what everyone around us sees. But there's a really strong, really good relationship between us that I honestly wouldn't trade for the world. There are TV shows that we watch weekly, and we talk about them and debate over what's gonna happen. It's to the point where if one of us watches the TV show without the other because they were out, or sleeping, or whatever the case may be, the other gets so pissed off and we probably spend a good hour having stupid, hilarious fights with each other. We've watched movies and TV shows together that are so girls (AKA we watched A Walk to Remember and AMTM), and he loves it. But don't even get me started on food. I swear, every time I eat my brothers Reeses Puff Cereal, he gets so pissed off at me and it's HILARIOUS, because he's sorta upset about it, but I know he's kidding.
I honestly believe that I am my brothers biggest fan. When I miss a wrestling meet, it honestly upsets me because I may have missed something important in his wrestling career. I've learned the sport so there's one more thing for us to talk about, since he's completely and utterly obsessed with the sport. He's so incredibly good at it, that I don't mind the constant talk about it. I'm always there to support him with wrestling; going to all his meets, tournaments, divisionals, sectionals, and hopefully this year, states. I participate in any fundraiser the wrestling team is a part of, and I always help with the tournament that RCK has every year. I already have plans on how to celebrate when he gets his 100th career win this year, and I'll be there rooting him on when he's dominating the competition, hopefully winning a section title. He's so incredible at what he does. I mean, as a freshman in high school, he took second in divisionals and took sixth at sectionals. As a Sophomore, he was a varsity team captain, took first place at divisionals, and took third at sectionals, only because he was pinned for the first time in his varsity career by a senior who's not just a 3 time state champ, but a national champ, and is wrestling for Cornell.
My brother has always been there for me just as much as I've been there for him, even if it doesn't seem like it to you. Since we were kids, he's always been around to stick up for me. He's been in two fights just sticking up for me, one got him kicked out of summer camp and the other he fought a kid almost twice his size...and won, both. But not only that, but he's there to talk sometimes, even if sometimes he's only just listening or not even listening at all. But he's always there for me if I need to vent. He can tell when I'm upset a lot, especially when something happens with mom. He understands a lot of what I'm going through, and I love him for being around.
I have a little brother, who actually isn't so little. For years, people are always shocked to find that my brother is a year and a half younger than me. He looks so much older than he is, and acts a lot more mature compared to people his age when he's out in public, but when he's home he's my little brother, and he can be a bit immature. But that's to be expected. I entered high school four years ago, and people knew me, but they knew me as "Brad Marvin's Sister", not Dana. Two years before the kid even came to high school, he was known.
My brother and I have a really great relationship, even though it may not seem like it all of the time to other people looking in on the relationship. We've been through so much together, and I'm sure we'll have to go through so much more. Obviously we fight like every other group of siblings has in the history of the world, and I think sometimes that's what everyone around us sees. But there's a really strong, really good relationship between us that I honestly wouldn't trade for the world. There are TV shows that we watch weekly, and we talk about them and debate over what's gonna happen. It's to the point where if one of us watches the TV show without the other because they were out, or sleeping, or whatever the case may be, the other gets so pissed off and we probably spend a good hour having stupid, hilarious fights with each other. We've watched movies and TV shows together that are so girls (AKA we watched A Walk to Remember and AMTM), and he loves it. But don't even get me started on food. I swear, every time I eat my brothers Reeses Puff Cereal, he gets so pissed off at me and it's HILARIOUS, because he's sorta upset about it, but I know he's kidding.
I honestly believe that I am my brothers biggest fan. When I miss a wrestling meet, it honestly upsets me because I may have missed something important in his wrestling career. I've learned the sport so there's one more thing for us to talk about, since he's completely and utterly obsessed with the sport. He's so incredibly good at it, that I don't mind the constant talk about it. I'm always there to support him with wrestling; going to all his meets, tournaments, divisionals, sectionals, and hopefully this year, states. I participate in any fundraiser the wrestling team is a part of, and I always help with the tournament that RCK has every year. I already have plans on how to celebrate when he gets his 100th career win this year, and I'll be there rooting him on when he's dominating the competition, hopefully winning a section title. He's so incredible at what he does. I mean, as a freshman in high school, he took second in divisionals and took sixth at sectionals. As a Sophomore, he was a varsity team captain, took first place at divisionals, and took third at sectionals, only because he was pinned for the first time in his varsity career by a senior who's not just a 3 time state champ, but a national champ, and is wrestling for Cornell.
My brother has always been there for me just as much as I've been there for him, even if it doesn't seem like it to you. Since we were kids, he's always been around to stick up for me. He's been in two fights just sticking up for me, one got him kicked out of summer camp and the other he fought a kid almost twice his size...and won, both. But not only that, but he's there to talk sometimes, even if sometimes he's only just listening or not even listening at all. But he's always there for me if I need to vent. He can tell when I'm upset a lot, especially when something happens with mom. He understands a lot of what I'm going through, and I love him for being around.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Maybe I Can Make It Through
15 August, 2012
It's been one week since I've gotten a text message response from you. One week. Do you even understand what you're doing to me with this? During this time, you've posted your whereabouts of your beautiful Florida/West Virginia trip on Facebook, yet no time to shoot me a measly text message to make sure that you're okay. And um, West Virginia? You're supposed to be in Florida, with your parents, for two whole weeks. That makes me even more worried that something may have happened to you, yet at the same time I believe that even if something did happen, I doubt it was the first day, and I doubt you've been so busy that you couldn't text your girlfriend.
And hm, guess what yesterday was? Oh yeah, you missed our two month anniversary. You didn't even text your girlfriend then. Not that I'm huge into these whole anniversary things too much, but I mean, it would be nice for a little bit of thought. Is he going to text me back tomorrow, when I text him a happy birthday? Or is he going to ignore my facebook post about his birthday, like he's probably ignoring the facebook message that I sent him hours ago.
Exactly how long are you planning to ignore me? You can't do it too long without me finding a way to talk to you. Why can't we just talk things out, try to work things out, and maybe we can get through this, get back to the way things used to be, when we were both happy, or at least I was happy, and you did a very good job pretending you were. I understand if you need a break, but it would have been nice to know that you wanted this break, and I would have gladly given you the time off from our relationship. But this whole ignoring thing, it's not my thing. I don't like it one bit, at all whatsoever.
Communication is sorta a key ingredient to having a good relationship, don't you think? Maybe not, since you don't seem to be doing much of it yourself. Honestly, I want to talk to you about all of this. I want to be able to talk to you about every little detail that's going on in my life, but you don't seem to want to listen at all. If you took the time to talk to me about how you're feeling about us, about everything going on, then I think we would both feel a whole lot better about everything, and maybe we would be able to completely work out all of our issues, make our relationship work, or find out that we're not meant to be together intimately like we are, and try our best to go back to our amazing friendship.
Every single time I get a text message, my stomach flips because I pray that it's you. It never is, and that kills me inside. Every. Single. Time. I can't take much more of this. I've cried every day besides the first day you didn't text me, because without you here, my emotions are completely bottled up and I can't stand it. I've cried myself to sleep for 6 nights straight, and I bet tonight will be the 7th. I need you. I need to know you're okay, that we can try to work this out.
I can't do this alone anymore.
It's been one week since I've gotten a text message response from you. One week. Do you even understand what you're doing to me with this? During this time, you've posted your whereabouts of your beautiful Florida/West Virginia trip on Facebook, yet no time to shoot me a measly text message to make sure that you're okay. And um, West Virginia? You're supposed to be in Florida, with your parents, for two whole weeks. That makes me even more worried that something may have happened to you, yet at the same time I believe that even if something did happen, I doubt it was the first day, and I doubt you've been so busy that you couldn't text your girlfriend.
And hm, guess what yesterday was? Oh yeah, you missed our two month anniversary. You didn't even text your girlfriend then. Not that I'm huge into these whole anniversary things too much, but I mean, it would be nice for a little bit of thought. Is he going to text me back tomorrow, when I text him a happy birthday? Or is he going to ignore my facebook post about his birthday, like he's probably ignoring the facebook message that I sent him hours ago.
Exactly how long are you planning to ignore me? You can't do it too long without me finding a way to talk to you. Why can't we just talk things out, try to work things out, and maybe we can get through this, get back to the way things used to be, when we were both happy, or at least I was happy, and you did a very good job pretending you were. I understand if you need a break, but it would have been nice to know that you wanted this break, and I would have gladly given you the time off from our relationship. But this whole ignoring thing, it's not my thing. I don't like it one bit, at all whatsoever.
Communication is sorta a key ingredient to having a good relationship, don't you think? Maybe not, since you don't seem to be doing much of it yourself. Honestly, I want to talk to you about all of this. I want to be able to talk to you about every little detail that's going on in my life, but you don't seem to want to listen at all. If you took the time to talk to me about how you're feeling about us, about everything going on, then I think we would both feel a whole lot better about everything, and maybe we would be able to completely work out all of our issues, make our relationship work, or find out that we're not meant to be together intimately like we are, and try our best to go back to our amazing friendship.
Every single time I get a text message, my stomach flips because I pray that it's you. It never is, and that kills me inside. Every. Single. Time. I can't take much more of this. I've cried every day besides the first day you didn't text me, because without you here, my emotions are completely bottled up and I can't stand it. I've cried myself to sleep for 6 nights straight, and I bet tonight will be the 7th. I need you. I need to know you're okay, that we can try to work this out.
I can't do this alone anymore.
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